Today’s post is written by Lori Nzvrodtzke, Deeper Still Chapter Leader for Southern AZ.
Lori Navrodtzke lives in Tucson. She received a MS in Professional Counseling and MS in Addictions Counseling from Grand Canyon University in 2013. She has been the Chapter Coordinator for Deeper Still of Southern AZ since 2016, has worked at Hands of Hope since 2006 where she currently serves as Recovery Services Manager. Lori has a passion to see women and men healed from abortion as well as other traumatic experiences.
Thank you Lori for sharing part of your story with us today!
1984 was 37 years ago. When you think back that far can you remember specific details of what a particular day was like? For example, can you remember exactly what was going on throughout your day 37 years ago today? I can.
I was picked up in the morning. We drove to the bank for me to withdraw $250 in cash. Then we drove to the clinic. The whole time I was in the car I looked out the passenger window. Crying silently. Feeling sick. Wanting to be doing anything but this. In my head begging him to say I didn’t have to do it.
We arrived. On the outside it didn’t even look like a clinic. It could have been any business along that stretch of road. I wondered if the people across the street in the park knew what was happening through those doors.
We entered the building and went to the counter. No ID was needed. They took my money. I signed a piece of paper without reading it. We went to the waiting room. There were others there–some alone, some not. No one talked. There were no TV’s, no magazines. My name was called. I went back and he left. I changed into a hospital gown and put my clothes in a locker. I was brought to the room and prepped. The doctor didn’t even tell me his name. He just sat down and started. It was painful. I started to cry but forced myself to stop.
It was over in about 15 minutes. The doctor left and I was brought back to the locker and told to get dressed. I was brought to a room with several cots lining the walls. There were several of us in there, but no one was talking. Some were lying on their cot, some were crying. About 20 minutes later we were all given a bottle of antibiotics and escorted to the back door so we could leave. I waited outside for a while before he picked me up. This is where some things start to get blurry–because I had become emotionally numb. Something horrible had just happened and I couldn’t, or didn’t want to, deal with it.
I will always regret that day 37 years ago, but I can share this part of my life openly because God healed me. There’s no more guilt, no more shame, no more anger. Do the memories make me sad? Yeah. Do I still cry? Sometimes. But I know without a shadow of a doubt that God has forgiven me, the baby I lost to abortion in that clinic is in heaven, and I’ll see him again someday. And I’m so very grateful God has used my story to help so many women and men who have been impacted by abortion.
If you haven’t been involved in an abortion, I can pretty much guarantee you know someone who has, but they may have never told you about it. Until healing occurs this is usually a closely guarded secret. Not because someone else says we should be ashamed, but because many women make this choice because they feel they have no other choice. Not talking about it is a way to avoid dealing with it. I am so blessed to work for an organization (Hands of Hope Tucson) that offers Deeper Still retreats for women and men to have a safe place to talk, process, grieve and heal from a past abortion. If you or someone you know is struggling with a past abortion, I’d love to talk with you.
Deeper Still is a ministry that offers free weekend retreats for women who have had abortions and the men who fathered children lost to abortion. If you have had an abortion and would like more information about our retreats, please go to www.GoDeeperStill.org to find a retreat close to you.