No Matter What has Happened, I’ll Always be Your Mother

In a moment, I put a price tag on my freedom to choose and your life was the cost.

I was supposed to be your mother.

Nearly a decade would pass before I would give you a name and honor your life. Recognition that didn’t come with your birth, stolen by my choice.

I was supposed to be your mother.

The date was April 2005 when choice made you a statistic to the clinic. Another crisis averted. An unfortunate situation handled. $400 paid, consent signed, silence kept.

I was supposed to protect you as your mother.

In April 2015, your 2nd sister was born. A mother for the fourth time, but only able to physically touch three. I waited for God to take her from me, one child in exchange for another, exactly 10 years later. But God isn’t a God of retribution and He allowed me to continue to be a mother.

Lies told me I didn’t deserve to be a mother.

In April 2019, God did something miraculous. I finally acknowledged your life. I grieved for you, rocked with you, named you. My Deeper Still retreat called me “mother” for the first time in a way that did not bring shame or condemnation.

And I loved you for the first time as your mother.

Until I get to be with you again our Heavenly Father cares for you.

One day, you’ll know me as your mother.

To all the mothers who have lost children to abortion, perhaps Mother’s Day was a difficult day for you. Your child is with Father God and for those who are in Christ Jesus, one day you will see him/her again. You are a mother. You are honored and loved as a mother. The honor that God gives to women parenting children on earth, he also bestows to you as His Beloved. El Roi, the One who sees, meets you right where you are. May this truth bring comfort and joy to your heart.

Your abortion doesn’t have to define you.

It’s time to find the freedom you deserve.