Please Don’t Ask Me That

“If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?” Ecclesiastes 4:10-11

The scent of sterile overpowered all other senses as I opened the door to the women’s clinic. It was time for that yearly appointment, the one no woman likes to attend. The OBGYN I had gone to for years and who had delivered all three of my children was not on our new insurance list, so the familiar was replaced with a faint hope that this doctor would be normal and this visit would be routinely bland.

Can we just be honest? Women and honest. No one likes to go to the OBGYN…no one. But for a woman who has had an abortion, going to a new OBGYN brings an additional weight in the shape of a question.

The personal history form asks the routine questions about medical history, familial medical history, and pregnancies. But at the OBGYN there is also a question about how many abortions you have had.

Yes, there it was, just as I knew it would be. The question was there and I answered it. It wasn’t a big deal. It is just a piece of paper asking, not a person. Maybe they won’t ask me anything more about that.

The nurse called me back and began going through the paperwork with me. She reviewed different parts of the form and I secretly hoped that would be skipped. Please don’t ask me that.

Why is it that I can write this post where potentially thousands could read it and also share my testimony in front of crowds, but a nurse trained in medical practices asking me a question made me a little nervous?

Thankfully the moment passed and it wasn’t mentioned. A sigh of relief. Then the doctor came in.

The doctor was about my age, had a pleasant look to her and a bright smile. Her relaxed friendly countenance disarmed me and set me at ease. She also began going over my medical history with me. All good. She began asking me about my pregnancies. In my mind, again I thought, “Please don’t ask me.

She did. Then she asked if the abortion was chemical or a DNC. In a gentle factual voice, I replied it was surgical. She professionally asked about how far along I was and when it was.

  1. 11 weeks.

There was no judgement in her voice, just professionally doing her job, asking medical questions a doctor needs to know. I got through it. It was as if she was asking if I had a gallbladder surgery or had my tonsils removed. But that is their job. Perhaps there needs to be more awareness of how abortion impacts women (and men) emotionally and spiritually. From a medical perspective, caring for the whole person.

She was great, sincerely, and I would go back to her. But I have had much healing and I am ok and can answer those questions fairly easily, but not all can. Some leave that question blank to avoid the questions. Some answer it, but then spend part of the day in tears. Others hide behind a strong façade. And to be fair, there may be some who truly don’t mind the question.

Let’s face it, it isn’t a question often asked and abortion isn’t a fun topic. If you want to make people uncomfortable, clear a table or a room, bring up the subject of abortion. Works almost every time.

But just like that doctor needed to talk about it for physical health purposes at this visit, there are times we need to talk about it for emotional and spiritual health check purposes.

Even with this post, for example. If you are post-abortive, pay attention to how this post makes you feel. What emotions are you experiencing right now?

Can you relate to how I was feeling at the doctor’s office? Have you left that part of the form blank in the past? Perhaps you have never told anyone you have had an abortion. If that is you, I want to encourage you today to pray and ask the Lord to give you strength to tell one safe person. If you don’t have a safe person, you can contact us on the Deeper Still Facebook page and message us and tell us. We are safe and we will pray for you. You are not alone. There is a Savior Jesus who cares about what you have been through and there are people out there who care as well.

It may not be a question we want to be asked, but if the answer is yes, there is emotional healing.

Dear Heavenly Father, I pray for those who may have never shared they had an abortion. Father, I pray that you would give them the ability and strength to reach out and share with one safe person. Father, will you begin that healing process today for at least one out there who needs it today. If this post was just for even one, it is worth it. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

If that one is you, will you let us know? We’d love to pray for you.

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Your abortion doesn’t have to define you.

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